It has become one of the easiest games you can play – Self-induced victimhood.
It’s easy to be good at it. All you have to do is bitch, moan and complain.
No coaching is needed. All you have to do is sit quietly and listen to the people around you. There is always a sob story ready to burst.
No practice is needed. Just find something that bothers you, anything! And start spreading the venom of how bothered you are by it.
It’s a great team game. You don’t have to go far to find someone who is ready to chime in. You can always find people who have an opinion about how the world is out to get them.
It’s a competitive game. Once you start bantering about things that are going wrong in your life, you will see that others will try to one up you with their self-induced victimhood stories.
It’s an addicting game. Once you begin to play, you cannot stop. Bitching, moaning and complaining puts you in the center of attention – the spotlight is on you. Don’t we all just want to be loved?
The only caveat to playing the game is that you cannot win. If you decide to play, you are guaranteed to lose and become a loser.
Do you still want to play?
Acting like a victim feels like you are losing control - you are like a piece of clothing being spun in a washer machine. You have trouble being assertive – you want the washer to stop spinning but you can’t bring yourself to command it to. You feel disempowered - you feel like you don’t have the ability to stop the spin cycle. You start feeling sorry for yourself – I am so wet and cold.
The easiest way to release this tension is to whine, moan, complain, resent, and act like life sucks. Does life really suck? Or are you sucky at living life?
How do you know if you are acting like a victim? Ask yourself these questions.
· Do you see positive people avoiding you?
· Do people tell you to stop being so negative?
· Do you feel like the world is out to get you?
· Do you constantly look for someone or something to blame?
· Do you constantly tell sob stories of events that happened in the past?
· Do you enjoy criticizing other people?
· Are you overworked and feel like there is no way out?
· Do you spend more time thinking about five things that are wrong in your life or the one thousand things that are right?
· Do you wish you could live someone else’s life?
If you find yourself cringing over these questions, I must have struck a chord.
If you find yourself feeling angry after reading these questions, than it is time for you to do some soul searching.
If you realize that in some ways you are playing victim, then just know that self-awareness is the first step towards redemption.
To overcome your own self-induced victimhood and begin feeling empowered again you must:
Stop complaining
The more you speak like a victim, the more likely you will become an actual victim. Negative words and conversations add fuel to the fire.
Take responsibility for your life
What if you took full responsibility for everything that happened in your life? What if everything that has gone wrong, went wrong to teach you a valuable life lesson? When you take responsibility over all situations, you win your power back. Taking responsibility does not mean that you are the one to blame. It means that you are in control of how you react and move on from the event that has occurred.
Understand what is in your span of control
Victims give the world full control over their emotions. They are negatively affected by the events or people that they have no control over. If you have no control over a situation, why bother worrying, thinking or talking about it? Just let it go. What is going to happen will happen. You have no control over it. If you focus on managing the things you do control, you win.
Forgive and move on
“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping that it will kill your enemies” – Nelson Mandela.
If you don’t forgive those who have wronged you in the past and move on with your life, you will always be a victim. No, you aren’t the victim of the events or people who have wrong you, you are a victim of yourself. Feeling resentful and anger only hurt you.
Forgiving does not mean that you condone what happened to you. It surely doesn’t mean that you are responsible for what happened to you. It just means that you are able to let go of the situation or person bothering you so that you can move forward and live your best life.
Bury the past
It’s over. The past is done. It cannot be re-lived, re-hashed or re-created. Talking about it won’t change it. It’s time to yank out the valuable lessons that you have learnt and apply them in the present moment.
Listen, I know this is a touchy subject, one that people don’t like to talk about. The word “victim” has many different connotations, but I had to write this blog. This blog isn’t to discount the pain that true victims of crimes, and other unspeakable events have gone through. Those are real victims.
This blog is about those of us who act like victims when we should be grateful. We live in wonderful times of prosperity and peace, where many of us go to bed with a full stomach and a roof over our heads. We live in a world where we can communicate with virtually anyone at any time and learn anything our heart desires.
I just don’t understand why people bring so much negative energy into the world.
If this blog can help one person realize that playing victim is wrong, then I did my job.